Sunday, April 25, 2010

Babies, Babies Everywhere

Somebody needs to write a book about what to expect when you're NOT expecting and everyone else around you IS. Right now at this very minute, I have 8 friends that are currently expecting babies and 10 friends that just had babies in the last year. Not to mention the three parents in my classroom that are also expecting new babies. That's a lot of pregnant woman around me!

It's always an odd situation to be in when someone announces they are pregnant and you are wishing it was you. I am always happy and excited for that person, but I also secretly want to crawl into a hole and cry. I want so badly for us to be the couple announcing that we are expecting, but deep down inside, I know that is most likely not going to happen. Even though our doctors always tell us that we can't say that it will 100% NEVER happen, we know that there is a slim chance.

One time last year, a coworker of ours announced that she was expecting a new baby. I was so excited for her because I knew that they had wanted to have another child for awhile. I congratulated her and then went right back to my classroom to cry. I didn't realize how much it was affecting me being around so many pregnant people. It's so in your face every day and you can't get away from it. It's a constant reminder of what you can't have. It's almost like dangling a piece of candy in front of a child, telling them how awesome the candy will taste, and then taking it away from them.

My husband knows how sensitive I am in this area and so it's funny because he'll feel me out to see what kind of day I'm having before he tells me that one of his friend's wives is pregnant. I feel bad for him too because he has several friends becoming fathers and I know that he wants so badly to be one too. I can't help but feel guilty that I might possibly be the reason why is not yet a father, but I know that is not a fair assessment of our situation.

I can not tell you how hard it is to watch literally almost everyone around have babies. We so desperately want to have one ourselves, but at the same time, we are extremely happy and excited for those around us who are experiencing the joys of parenting. We just want to be given the same opportunity.

When someone out there finally writes a book about what to expect when you're not expecting and everyone else is, they need to include the top 10 comebacks to say to people when they ask you when you are going to have children. Once you have been married a certain amount of time or reach a certain age, society says that you should be having children. We get asked that question so often and it gets a little old. We obviously want children, so we just tell people that someday we will have children.

Another chapter in the book should be how to handle all the baby showers that you will have to endure when all of your friends are having babies and you are not. You have to put on a brave face, shop for gifts that you wish you were buying for yourself, and be happy for your friends. It is exhausting doing all of that while you are dying inside. I love holding newborn babies, but at the same time, it's hard because I feel like I may never get to do that. I am missing out on so many experiences that my friends get to have everyday. I love my friends with all of my heart, but it's really tough to feel dual emotions (happy for your friend who is having a baby and sad for yourself who is not) at the same time. I wish they had a handbook about how to handle that.

Another chapter in the book needs to include tips for people that are supporting those of us struggling to have children. No one ever knows what to say to us and we hate it when people say they're sorry. What are you sorry about? It's not your fault. That makes me mad when people say that because the last thing I want is sympathy. There are much worse things happening to people out in the world and we have a lot of things to be happy about. I wish people would just say a kind word, give us a hug, and move on to the next topic. No one wants to hear the details of our situation, nor do I want to tell everyone, so it sometimes becomes an elephant in the room. It's okay people, we are not dying, we are just having a little bit of bad luck in the baby department!


  1. Maybe someday it will be you and Eric writing that book. You certainly have a way with words. XO

  2. I could write the book! HUGS to you :)